never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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