Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
