Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
