I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
