8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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