i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
