Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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