I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
