why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
