drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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