If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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