Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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