I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
