Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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