Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
