I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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