I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
