HIV tests are more positive than that guy
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
