Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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