Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
