All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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