I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
