I feel great
I just peed on a car
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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