Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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