So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
