she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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