I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
