covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
