Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
