Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
