I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
