What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
