I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
