Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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