I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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