I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
