i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize