So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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