i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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