i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
