wrigley field is MILF paradise
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I just sharted jello shots
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