Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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