Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
