Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
