WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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