...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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