I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
