come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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