Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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