I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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