i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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