I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
